So Blessed :)

So, its the night before my 17th birthday and I am being reminded of how incredibly blessed I am. Two lovely ladies just made my day with their kindness that goes farther than words can even describe.

I got the privilege of listening to three amazing services today and I am so excited to see what God is going to do through discipleship. :) After one message from Pastor Nathan on worship I can already tell a difference. And this is just the beginning.

So as I sat through service tonight I couldn't help but think- If you are still alive then God isn't done with you. He has an individual plan for each and every one of His children. Some of us have testimonies from our past that He is going to use to reach others.

Every year at this time I am reminded of how blessed I truly am.

My story may be different but it is the story that reassures me that God has a plan for my life.

I was born two months premature weighing only 3lbs 15 ounces. I was delivered by emergency c-section and rather than being placed in an incubator I was covered with a blanket and the doctor ran me to the NICU. The doctors told my parents that it was unlikely that I would survive and that if I did probably wouldn't ever walk, talk, or doing anything a normal child might do. I was born without a heartbeat and I wasn't breathing. I spent a month on a ventilator after having a pulmonary hemorrhage at a couple days old and I spent even longer in the NICU. For me to tell you this all today after living the life I have lived so far is a miracle.

In my heart I know that God has a plan for me whether I understand it or not- that or I wouldn't be here today.

Life is a journey for us all and God will always be there providing when we surrender our lives to Him. I am learning that His love is never ending. Tonight that love is what continues to give me hope.

Inspired

Took a walk with my dad the other day and when I came across these beautiful flowers I had to take a picture. I love it because it just goes to show that in the midst of something slightly chaotic there can be beauty. These gorgeous purple flowers are sprouting even thought they are surrounded and covered by leaves.

Sometimes this is how I feel about life, but then I remember that God uses some of that chaos, and what we would consider to be craziness, for the glory of His name. The moments that make up our journey in life shape us and everything that we encounter is for a reason.

I am definitely in the midst of change in my life but I am learning that change is okay. Life is not always going to be all planned out and perfect.

I love that while on this journey of mine I have been given the privilege to be apart of something bigger than myself. Tonight at small group I found the discussion to be quite inspiring. I am not entirely sure why since it didn't differ much from the message last night, but I guess my heart was in a different place and a little more open to hearing what God wanted me to hear. One thing that really stood out to me is that our walk with God and our prayer life is a day by day process. Something I have been working on and will continue to work on is enjoying the moment and just taking this journey one day at a time.

I was definitely challenged tonight to take more note of those moments when God shows up at the just the right time. I know they are everyday things and by taking note of those moments I will be able to remember them, recognize them later and give thanks to God for them.

Remembering

The past is not something would should forget but rather learn from. Sometimes I get to thinking and I am amazed at the journey I have been on. It wasn't too long ago that my life was consumed by the one thing I loved the most- gymnastics. The following note is something I had to write for English. I am by no means an excellent writer and grammar is not something I am good at, but I though maybe I could give you an idea of the life I once lived as a competitive gymnast.

The montage below is just some clips from throughout the years. Some are older and therefore not very good quality.


Stitches in a Quilt
Perhaps the moments in life that make up our journey are like stitches in a quilt. They are not always perfect but, like the threads from which they are woven, they are an integral part of the quilt.
Several years of my life were spent training in a gym. The chalky atmosphere that gave way to a light haze as the evening hours passed became home to me. Calloused hands and bruised feet were all part of the normal everyday life I lived. I was a gymnast trying to fulfill the desires of my heart and express the emotions in my soul that could not be verbalized. Hours of my life were spent training in the hope of one day reaching perfection. In the place I called home I found an exhilarating comfort in tumbling across a four inch wide beam and running full speed towards a stationary object to tumble over it and land on my feet again. My small stature was perfect for the sport and I lived for the adrenaline rush that would mask all pain as fear and excitement mixed.
We were the gymnasts that the little girls looked up to and admired. We were the ones who were to set an example of what can come from hard work and dedication. While there is an extreme sense of pride that comes with that, it was also a lot to live up to. We would hide the tears and put on fake smiles to hide the pain in our eyes. To them our lives were perfect and we couldn’t dash their hopes and dreams of one day becoming like us.
But one has to wonder, does anyone ever stop to think that the perspective of the gymnast training on the floor must be different from the perspective of all the people watching from behind the rail. It’s like a wall is built where one point of view stops and another begins. As gymnasts we worked to never disappoint any of those people watching, even if that meant pushing past out breaking point. Being perfect to them was all that mattered, and we often paid for it later. Whether we were in a competition or not we were constantly being judged. It often became mentally and emotionally draining to try to live up to others expectations.
The relentless training and pounding on my bones eventually began to catch up with my body. The everyday aches and pain became un-ignorable. I began making sacrifices at the gym only training certain events on certain days. This was a way I could try to save my body as I continued to train.
I got really good at hiding my pain from others so I could continue doing what I loved; but, there came a day when I realized just how much danger I was putting myself in. While training a new skill and coming off of an old injury I landed on my head tearing the muscles in my neck and getting a concussion. After trying to come back from this injury my gymnastics career ended. Looking back now, I realize it’s a fall like that that could have left me seriously injured.
For a while, after retiring from gymnastics, I had no idea what to do with myself. There was a hole in my heart where gymnastics had once been and I desperately needed to find a new way to express myself and ease my soul.
One day I randomly decided to take up the ambitious goal of making a quilt. Not quite realizing the task ahead of me, I set out anxious to reach the end result. Little did I know that what lay ahead was hours of delicate sewing with needle-pricked fingers and achy muscles. Stitches had to be sewn and re-sewn in hopes of making them perfect. The hours spent quilting finally paid off and I realized I had found a way to release my mind and soul. I welcomed hours of silence the task provided. One little ambitious goal gave way to a new hobby that was just as rewarding as flying through the air.
After hours of thinking it has been made known to me that the moments in life can be compared to the stitches in a quilt; we have to let others see the imperfect stitches as it gives them permission to be imperfect as well.


Gymnastics has taught me many life lessons that I now use daily, but it is God who is ultimately teaching me what it means to live. Had I continued with gymnastics I probably wouldn't be where I am in my walk with God today. I guess it was all part of His bigger plan. He is using me just the way I am and I am learning how to use the gifts, He has blessed me with, to glorify His name.
The quilt story is definitley one for another day. The testimonies from them still leave me speechless.

retreat

Wow. I haven't even posted about retreat yet. I guess I can fix that. :)

I had such an amazing weekend with friends and God. I can't even begin to put into words what God is doing in my life. I was in awe of how all the services seemed to connect and how applicable they were.

The bus ride down to the campgrounds was definitely a crazy one. I don't think the bus driver could have drove any faster through the hills without flying. No idea how fast she was going, just thankful I didn't loose my stomach.

After dinner and service they stuck us all in the chapel for late night games. Now, I could be wrong but I don't think that chapel is made for 200 students plus leaders to play games in. Thats not to say we didn't all fit, it was just a little more cramped than usual.

We also had day light savings time while at camp so that seemed to complicate things just a little bit. We were all in bed at 11:30 on Saturday, but really is was 10:30. So all the girls were laying in the bunks giggling because they were still hyper.

Somehow on the bus ride home we gained an extra person riding back and there weren't quite enough seats. So Hannah and I, both of us being little, volunteered to both ride in the last seat of the bus that is just a little shorter than all the rest. If two "normal" size people had tried that it probably wouldn't have worked. Lucky for us, we fit perfectly.

Through this journey I have been on lately through Fine Arts and all I have made a new friend. I was so glad Hannah was able to come to retreat :) We were buddies all weekend and I am super glad I got to hang out with her.

Pink team didn't come anywhere close to winning but it was fun to get away from all the distractions and seek God along with the fellowship of friends.

Some memories were definitely made even though it was a cold and wet weekend. Just goes to show that God can show up anytime and anywhere.

I am sure there is more that I am forgetting, in fact I know there is. Sometimes its just hard to put into words how great God is and all that He is doing.

Invincible

I often find myself wishing I were invincible. With so much hurt in the world it would make things easier to handle. When I think of something that is invincible I think of something that is strong and that can't be broken down. So, it is slightly contradicting to say that we grow stronger because we are not invincible. I have recently come to realize how true this. Something I keep reminding myself.

I think there is something inside all of us that wants to change the world. Through all the situations that I have encountered lately I have come to realize that are just some things I can not change. But I can do my part in being myself and one day I will reach that one person who needs it the most.

Very excited to see all that God is going to do at retreat and very excited for the missions meeting the Sunday we get back from camp!